Beyond Resilience

No doubt, #2020 has been an exceptionally challenging year. I can't help but reflect on the significantly important role the word 'resilience' has played in my outlook towards everything that has happened and not happened this year. 

The story of Esther comes to mind. Queen Esther epitomises 'resilience' in every sense of the word. Nevertheless, Esther's life is proof that resilience is the outcome of much more deeply ingrained values and resolution. 

Earlier this week, I posed the following questions on the group chat of some young ladies I mentor, whom I call: 'daughters of the King of kings':

A blessed morning to you daughters of the King of kings👑👑👑 I am reminded of the story of Esther this morning and would encourage you to meditate on her life, how she carried herself in king Xerxes palace. I know the story of Queen Esther is usually linked to courage and boldness but take some time out to ponder on the following questions regarding another side of her: 

1. What can you learn from the condition of her heart, regardless of her external beauty?  

2. Although she had found the king's favour through her external beauty, what was her approach to her beauty, especially when she needed to appear unannounced before the king, regarding her people: 'the Jews'? 

3. What was Esther's focus🤔?  

I look forward to your comments ladies 🤗😍😀✨🌻

...and here is what we all had to say:

Gift Nnadi

 

She was a woman of Virtue, Humility, Patience and most of all, a woman of Obedience. She followed instructions which in turn favoured her. No, her beauty wasn't the reason she rescued her people. Moreover, she was a woman of Prayer and an intercessor. She didn't quit or back down to any storm. She was a woman of Courage.

Noella Kabeya

She did not depend on her external beauty to appeal for her. She relied on faith and courage. She was 'beauty with brains'. Coming to think of it, she was queen from the very first day, she was ordained to rule. So we should remember that beauty should not make us boastful instead it should make us humble.

Lois Ajayi

Here's my reflection on the book of Esther:

1. The condition of Esther's heart is humility. Though some may not see the story of Esther as a story of humility, it is to some extent. You see, while Esther got to be queen because of her external beauty, I believe she also had spiritual beauty which could only be found when you spend time in the Lord, and as her been a Jew, she must have been "groomed" spiritually, by spending time with God, worshipping Him, reading the stories of how God took care of His children etc. therefore, with all this grooming taking place, she must have thought, when she was queen, that this couldn't have been only her external beauty that got her to be queen but also her spiritual beauty, knowing that she couldn't have been both external and spiritually beautiful, must have been humbling for her. Therefore, leading her to fulfil her purpose in the palace with God's hand and favour. Because, God won't put favour on an arrogant and prideful person, no matter how beautiful you are, externally. He even said it in His word in James 4:6-7 "God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble." So I believe that she must have had a humbling heart condition.

2. We must remember that it must've taken more than external beauty to be used by God. I have some really externally beautiful friends, but they aren't necessarily spiritually beautiful. Spiritual beauty will make God want to use you among all other people, with His favour, glory, beauty and light. You see, God wouldn't have used someone who just thinks of how they look, dress or even smell to save His nation, but He looked for someone who spent time in His presence, who loved Him and people, and who was humble enough to be put beside a king and not have gotten all boastful as the queen.

3. I believe Esther focused on the reason she was queen. For instance, while it must have been nice to eat all the food in the palace, she told the Jews to fast and pray with her so she may fulfil God's plan for upholding her there. We all know that fasting is a spiritual activity. You see, when  God uses you, you will be so busy being used and so busy being blessed to be a blessing, favoured for a particular time and purpose, and in spiritual warfare eg; praying or worshipping, that it will consume you and all your focus. We should all get to the level where our external beauty is just a cover-up for our spiritual beauty. Our spiritual beauty should shine brighter than our external beauty. Not to say, we shouldn't look the part or care about how we look but we shouldn't let it consume us.

Keren Kabeya

Esther was more than just courage. Her faith was firm and she was not afraid to be called different because of her belief. Her heart was set right with purpose. 

The Bible says from the heart flows all the issues of life.

Abosede Ijabadeniyi

Esther’s heart condition

1.  Deep in the heart of Esther was a selfless disposition of service. The heart condition of service makes one vulnerable enough to God so much so that one looks beyond physical capabilities and strengths in total surrender to God and His will. 

It was the same heart condition David had when he surrendered himself to be vulnerable enough to what God can only do through him in overcoming Goliath. There is, therefore, a link between service and surrender. A person who has a heart condition of service free-falls and gives up earthly recognition or accolades.

 

The only thing Esther gave room for in her heart was service to God. She made God occupy the entirety of her heart until her relationship with God reached a point where God saw her fit to save her nation, the Jews. Her total surrender and reverence to God led her to the point where nothing else mattered. Mary, the mother of Jesus also had a heart condition of service. A young virgin, who must have had so many hopes and fantasies of marriage, had to relinquish her dreams so that she could be used by God to fulfil His will. Her total surrender to God made her tell the servants at the wedding in Cana (See John 2:5): ‘Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.’ It should be emphasised that this statement was made after her son, Jesus told her: ‘Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come (John 2:4).’ I am reminded of the account in John 3: 30 – 31: ‘He must increase, but I must decrease. 31 He that cometh from above is above all: he that is of the earth is earthly, and speaketh of the earth: he that cometh from heaven is above all.’ 

The above Scripture confirms that being a vessel unto honour through ‘service’ comes as a revelation from God, and can only be borne out of the Spirit and not of the flesh. ‘Let us not be desirous of vain glory…’ Galatians 5:26a. Any act of service done out of flesh, for the sake of recognition and accolades cannot be acceptable to God. In other words, such act of service is too superficial to be used of God to accomplish His plan, just the way His will for the Jews was fulfilled through Esther.

2.  Esther's external beauty versus inner beauty

Beautiful Esther, an orphan in a foreign land (Persia) who was living in exile, found favour in the sight of the king amongst the many fair virgins that were gathered unto Shushan the palace, according to the king’s command. Being raised by her uncle Mordecai in line with Jewish values, Esther found herself in a crisis when she was chosen by the king to be queen. Esther was thereafter crowned queen, to replace queen Vashti, who was consumed by her beauty and refused to obey the king’s order to show herself before the king. Esther later found herself in a position where she was the only one who could save her people from Haman’s plot. Her heart condition of service, not her external beauty, however, made her make compromises for her people. 

Being a queen who knew the importance the king attached to her ‘beauty’, calling for a fast wasn’t going to be an option if her external beauty was her focus. In other words, she wouldn’t have called for a three-day fast if she depended on her external beauty to appease the king, on behalf of her people as the fast must have made her look pale and less beautiful when she appeared unannounced before the king. 

This gesture shows that she surrendered her external beauty in the service of God’s plan.

Esther's focus

3.  Queen Esther focused on the unfading inner beauty which only comes from God. Such beauty is not affected by age, lineage, genes or social standing. It doesn’t need makeovers and enhancements to flourish. ‘It is the hidden man of the heart, which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price’ (1Pet 3:4).

Esther relied on God to make the king look past her faded beauty (which must have been affected by the fast) to see an ‘unfading beauty’ which is not based on ‘outward adorning of plaiting the hair and of wearing gold or putting on of apparel’ (1Pet 3:3). 

Esther’s heart condition of service and sacrifice reveal that outward beauty is short-lived and shouldn’t be traded for the glory and prize of the high calling in God. 

While it is important to look after one’s self, it is much more important to invest in quality quiet time of fellowship with God where one hears expressly from Him and continuously learn at His feet, just like Mary, Martha’s sister.

                                        ∞∞∞

We would love to read your reflection in the comment section. 

We wish you a safer and much more productive #2021, filled with inspiration, pleasant memories and above all, the presence of God!

Tito and her Girl Child

Sit back and grab some popcorn as I take you on a short tour into the life of  Madam Lydia  Bolatito Bolade and her girl child.

She was born into the family of Pa Jacob and Ma Ruth Adunola Bolade on the beautiful 25^th day of May, 1944 in Maiduguri, northern Nigeria, a country which is home to over 250 ethnic groups who speak over 500 languages. Ma Ruth Adunola was a Sierra Leonean Entrepreneur who made and sold ‘Adire’, a dyed hand-crafted traditional Nigerian fabric which first emerged in the city of Abeokuta, southwest Nigeria, in the nineteenth century.

Pa Jacob sold bags of Bitter Kola Nut for a living, which he transported from Ogbomoso, his hometown in Oyo State to Maiduguri. Bitter Kola Nut is traditionally called ‘Goro’ by the Hausas and Orogbo in the Yoruba language. Tito’s family moved to Jos (about 500kms from Maiduguri) in 1948, in the year she turned 4, where she did her primary and secondary schooling before she was trained as a Typist.

Tito, as she was fondly called by two of her best friends: Dan Maria and Diko, grew up as an adolescent in the few years which led to the Nigerian independence in 1960. This was the period in the 1950’s where five shillings could buy a donkey (Ofonagoro 1979), although a pupil teacher’s monthly salary was 12 shillings, three decades earlier in the late 1920’s (Utuk 1975).

There was freedom to interact with children of the opposite sex without the fear of being molested or abused. The phrases ‘child sexual molestation’ and 'sexual harassment’ were not in their vocabulary since the act was very absurd, back in the day.

She stood her ground and facilitated the education of her girl child in the Nigeria of the very early 80’s when gendered discourses had not gained ground. Gender roles were very much socially-constructed and influenced by the tenets of the patriarchal system. Societal expectations of women were skewed towards childbearing and housekeeping, since men were historically farmers and hunters who solely met the economic needs of their families.  

She ruggedly navigated the societal pressures back in the day amid the rather condescending and appalling impact of the Nigerian patriarchal system on women, following the colonial influence and associated teething problems of the independent Nigerian State.

Over and above fulfilling the traditional gender roles, she transcended into ‘super womanhood’, which was popularised by modernisation. Modernisation had influenced changing demand patterns and increasing family needs, which inadvertently meant that women had to play multiple roles in the home, including the contribution to the economy of the family.

She garnered the courage to navigate her way through the male-dominated construction industry, where she thrived. She also traded in household items, both perishable and even non-perishable food items, as long as her market analysis justified the need for her stock. 

She should have been appointed as a Visiting Scholar at Harvard Business School (HBS) to teach what they now call Business Management or even Strategic Marketing. She would have offered HBS students hands-on business tactics she learnt through the mess, thick and thin without the intervention of Angel Investors/Venture Capitalists/Business Incubators etc., which many successful business people of today took advantage of.

This piece is dedicated to you Mum, from your girl child. The girl child who is the fruit of the battles you fought amid the rising socio-political contradictions of tribalism and unity in the very early 1980’s.

I am glad you are around in the Nigeria of today in 2020, where the growing liberation movement and post-enlightenment discourses on social and traditional media platforms are increasing facilitating free thinking, social justice for the marginalised, which are all gradually redressing gender-based violence and its cousins as well as systemic marginalisation.

Sadly, dad left us unexpectedly but I wish you belated Father’s Day(s) Mum! You have been both mum and dad ever since dad passed on.

References

Ofonagoro, Walter I. "From traditional to British currency in Southern Nigeria: Analysis of a currency revolution, 1880-1948." Journal of Economic History (1979): 623-654. https://www.jstor.org/stable/2119685?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents

Utuk, Efiong I. "Britain's Colonial Administrations and Developments, 1861-1960: An Analysis of Britain's Colonial Administrations and Developments in Nigeria" (1975). Dissertations and Theses. Paper 2525. https://doi.org/10.15760/etd.2521

The 'S' Crisis

My momentum was at its peak when my husband gave the usual 30-minute alert, which signalled the end of our workout session, at our newly found workout spot in the complex (#LockdownCreativity). Oblivious was I to the depth of reflection a random social media message could evoke before he gave the signal.

Instead of calling it quit for the morning, I was compelled to increase the pace of my workout, which sent the intended message: ‘I still have some scores to settle here honey’. After all, I had some scores to settle with those extra pounds, thanks to the second extension of my #Lockdown experience. By the way, I have been on #Lockdown since mid-March after the closure of schools in South Africa.

My mind immediately deviated to the video I received the previous day. The video was about one of the projects undertaken by a ‘notoriously mismanaged country’ in its effort to contain the #COVID-19 pandemic. I remember being captivated by the richness of the cloud in the video, which was impeccably captured. While the showcasing of the beauty of the cloud may not have been intentional, my eyes chose to be fixated on the image for reasons I will explain later.

The image I saw can be likened to the beautiful picture teachers portray to children about the rainbow in the clouds. It then dawned on me that my perception of this country had been badly distorted by the limited human understanding of God’s presence in a nation, which is perpetuated on social media.

As one would imagine, the pace of my workout was interrupted by these thoughts, which made me slow down for deeper reflections. I pondered on the bad images that had been portrayed about this supposedly ‘hopeless’ country on social media lately and how the country was struggling to contain the virus, against all odds and ironically, amid the 'solidarity crisis'.

My reflection on the solidarity crisis then shifted to how the world seemed to carry on with business and life as usual earlier in the year, while only China battled with #COVID-19. While taking cognisance of China’s unacceptable behaviour towards the escalation of the virus, it appears the rest of the world’s nonchalant attitude was fueled by one of my academic mentors' (Vanclay 2014) ‘NIMBY (Not In My Backyard) and PIMBY (Please In My Backyard)’ analogy.

The pursuit of a solution to a problem is not of immediate concern if the problem in question does not pose a threat - It could be a problem if the situation shows indications of potential danger (my paraphrase and emphasis). It becomes a big problem when the first case is discovered and we all (globally) now suddenly have to close schools, practice social distancing, close borders, shutdown the economy and the list is endless.

What lessons can we as 'Moral Agents' learn from this solidarity crisis?

What are the limits of solidarity?

Is love enough?

How far can love go?

How can we be more proactive in dealing with matters which have no direct impact on our lives, well-being and livelihoods?

How can empathy, proactivity, service and solidarity mitigate social, environmental, political and economic risks?

What are the exponential effects of our silence and nonchalant behaviour on the future generation?

Let's redress the solidarity crisis by leaving a comment. I look forward to yours.

#SustainableDevelopment #COVID-19

 #Lockdown #Solidarity #SocialResponsibility #StayAtHome 

#StaySafe

Coronavirus: Peace for Despair

My heart bleeds for the world as it battles with #Coronavirus. Global supply chains have been badly affected. The tourism industry is crumbling as many flights, hotel reservations and conferences have been cancelled and/or rescheduled amid widespread fear and extreme panic. 

The well-being of many is slowly declining globally. Global financial market indices and stock markets have been dwindling.  Even my five-year old has a lot to say about #COVID-19 and how to take precautionary measures.

While the World Health Organisation (WHO) still insists #COVID-2019 is not a pandemic (as at the time of writing this post), I admonish you to consider this outbreak as one of the many signs of the 'last days'. It seems so vivid but the enemy packages it in a way that many would disregard it as such. 

Just in case you are not convinced, consider the unrest globally, needless to talk about the persecution of Christians not only in Nigeria, being a particularly disheartening case, but all over the world. BBC news and other global world news also reckon.

It is no more news that we need to take precautionary measures as widely recommended. Over and above that, it is crucial to be intentional about remaining hopeful for a decline in the spread of the virus as we introspectively soldier on.

There is no better time to recalibrate on one's purpose, identity and focus.

F for February, F for Focus

It's been fifteen minutes since I have been battling to finalise the title of this post. I have lost count of the number of emails and wandering thoughts I have shoved away within this short period. It will take a lot of willpower not to succumb to these distractions. 

There we go again, an email just popped in. It is from an airline and its title seems catchy: 'Get ready for your trip to Durban' I kid you not, the first thought that crossed my mind was that I had booked my ticket for the wrong date as I was only due to travel in a couple of weeks. I then had to check the email to confirm my suspicion. In the process, I made an intentional effort to calm down and settle the worst case scenario in my head, which would be to pay a fee to reschedule the flight. 

I was wrong. The email wasn't intended to 'get me ready for my trip', neither was it about my booking details. I was rather welcomed by unnecessary ads about the airline's other offerings. I then decided to filter through my old emails to check my ticket, only to realise my booking details were in order. I finally managed to hit the 'new post' button on my blogsite, after struggling with many other distractions and here I am. 

My last post in 2019 was the first of a three-part series I started on  "... how often overlooked relational cues in social interactions may have been influential in building character in this image-driven world." The first relational cue I reflected on was 'sarcasm' and the post was titled: "Guilty Until Proven Innocent".


In this post, I will reflect on the second cue which I have tagged: 'normalised distraction'. I define normalised distraction as whatever you would have considered unimportant or detrimental to advancing your development and growth, in the last five to ten years, which has now unconsciously become commonsense or topmost on your priority list.


I find these five questions important for gaining deep insights into developing a personalised Focus Barometer:

1.  Who are you? 
2.  What are you about? 
3.  What do you want to achieve in life? 
4.  What are the things that are truly important to you? 
5.  What are your key responsibilities in terms of yourself, your family, the causes and people that matter, and your career?

This Barometer seeks to reveal and measure how top priorities, values and aspirations may have been obscured by competing and unimportant demands. This activity will not only enhance the ability to realign one's gaze on top goals and priorities but also channel one'e energy into living a purposeful life.

Mindfulness of these questions can be instrumental for revealing one's threshold on the Barometer. Of particular importance is how the majority of your current tasks and activities advance your answer to each of the questions posed.

Staying focused on one's highest priorities in a fast-paced and complex world such as ours is a full-time job.

Let's walk the talk.

This Year Is Our Year

'This year is our year'. Those were the last five words of 'a petrol attendant with a difference' which made me make a 360 degree turn yesterday evening, in an attempt to dig deeper into the source of the words. 

It was a typical hot summer's day in Durban. I had just dropped my daughter off for her Friday Bible study and had 60 minutes to think through dinner plans, do my last minute shopping for the weekend and fill up my petrol tank in preparation for the new week. It was rush hour, so time went past in a flash. I had just 10 minutes to buy petrol.

Murphy's law kicked in: my engine oil gauge was low so I had to buy a pint of oil. I unconsciously went into thinking mode to finalise my thoughts for dinner, as I waited to be served. 

Then another petrol attendant walked up to me, with a brimming smile. I couldn't miss him, it was the same guy who walked up to me whenever he didn't get the chance to serve me. He would usually say something that will make my daughter and I smile, no matter how hectic the day had been. He even recognised me whenever I sat in the passenger's seat of another car and would walk up to me to say hello, not forgetting his brimming smile.

Petrol Attendant: Happy new year ma'am!

Me: Happy new year! 

Petrol Attendant: I have not seen you in a while. How has your year been so far? 

Me: Oh yea. It's been good, thanks. And yours?

Petrol Attendant: It's been good too, thank you.

Then he moved closer to say those life changing words, not forgetting to demonstrate.

Petrol Attendant: 'This year is our year! 

I quickly added with utmost enthusiasm

Me: AMEN!

I pondered on the words as he walked away. I didn't expect those words at a garage. I made payment and established rapport with the petrol attendant that served me who was equally friendly. Then I made my way out of the garage into the freeway that would lead me to my next destination - to pick up my daughter and prepare to answer all the questions the Bible study would have inspired. 

But my next destination had to change. I made a 360 degree turn into the freeway, back into the garage, even though I was now late to pick my daughter. I explained to him why I turned back. I needed to know the source of those words, to take his picture, and really get to know the name of the petrol attendant with a difference: Simiso Vumisa

I know many people have very high expectations for 2020 and have made resolutions accordingly. It's one of those significant years which evokes a sense of seriousness and dedication. Whatever we do, let's be conscious and intentional about making a difference in our world, one day and one person at a time. Simiso Vumisa just did.

#Thisyearisouryear #Engengarage #Engenmarathonmotor #2020vision

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

I have been pondering on how some often overlooked relational cues in social interactions may have been influential in building character in this image-driven world. I have identified three of these cues but this post will focus on one of them, which is: 'sarcasm'. Watchout for the last two.

I was forced to transcend into peoples' minds at a recent gathering, with a devoted sense intentionality, in the bid to catch the jokes the audience seemed to dismally fail at getting over. Alas! the majority of the jokes eluded me, though I giggled at a few. Here is my point: there seems to be a growing struggle to communicate without having to intermittently introduce often sarcastic humour in order to drive engagement and get buy in. Well, everything is not supposed to be funny! 

The task of reflecting on 'sarcasm' as a topical and rather influential relational cue can be rewarding as it helps to deepen understanding of prevailing thresholds of sincerity and integrity as well as the priority accorded to effective communication over loyalty, or perhaps social licensing.

Thinking aloud, there must be a link between dwindling economic conditions, turbulent market fluctuations and political instability, unrests as well as natural disasters etc. and increasing 'sense of sarcasm'. There could also be a connection between this growing relational attribute and the upsurge of social media interactions and its role in reinforcing cultural exchange. All of these may have influenced the use of sarcasm, perhaps as a coping mechanism for dealing with these issues.

Patterns of the unconscious use of memes and emoticons particularly make a case. For example, I wonder what culture is imbibed when fingers convey ecstasy through smiley faces or teary eyes on social media while facial expressions and  gestures say the opposite. How sustainable is laughter if it can evoke momentary and/or relative happiness, or perhaps disguised happiness in the absence of inner resolution and closure. This increasing culture of sarcasm appears to have been normalised, although many manipulate the blurred line between sarcasm and satire in the name of 'constructive criticism'.

This culture has sadly been infused in supposedly 'solemn gatherings' whereas 'filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting which are not fitting' are not expected in such gatherings.

Not surprisingly, there are many quotes and old wives' tales which support, but inspire deep thoughts on the notion of laughter:

"Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at."

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever."~ Walt Disney

 and lastly,

"Laughter is the best medicine but if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine." ~ Anonymous 

While these quotes lend themselves to diverse interpretations, especially the last one, I am forced to agree with Jonathan Coyle, an American actor and influencer who argued that the momentary pleasure that laughter generates can be deceptive (paraphrased). 

My resonance with Coyle's argument might seem unfounded especially in the wake of the just concluded machine-learning sentiment analysis of the SA #Happiness Index, which showed an unexpectedly increasing trend in the rate of 'happiness'. 

Professor Talita Greyling, a researcher in the field of wellbeing and development economics at the University of Johannesburg confirmed during a talk show on SA FM this morning (29/10/19) that 40,000 - 50,000 tweets where analysed everyday, during the 'week of turmoil' (October 21 - 27). The week of 21 October was the week in which prominent members of parliament resigned from the Democratic Alliance (DA), a political party in South Africa. It was also the week in which the #Springboks won the match against #Wales in the semi-finals to secure a place in the World Cup Rugby final. Greyling reiterated that while the outcome of the study is not void of limitations and biases, it could inform policy development on the general state of wellbeing. 

I find the finding of this study rather ironical given increasing suicide rates and the low ranking of African countries in the #WorldHappinessReport. Based on a recent report published by the United Nations Sustainable Development Solutions Network and a CNN report released in March 2019, seven African countries where on the list of the world's ten least happiest countries, after Haiti, Syria and Afghanistan in the 2019 World Happiness Report. Sadly, no African country made the top ten happiest country ranking. 

The foregoing commentary confirms that happiness is relative, which as a consequence also implies that there is a huge responsibility on recipients of humour (especially in the African context) to intrinsically observe patterns of vulnerability to humour and the tendency to superficially dismiss pain/anguish/confusion /despair with laughter. There are also imminent lessons for character building with specific implications for corporate communication professionals and advertising agencies as consumer affinity with humour-based content can be short-lived.  I propose that increasing awareness of the superficial and manipulative nature of humour in marketing strategy could trigger negative reactions to brand perception, product quality, customer satisfaction and ultimately corporate reputation. 

Could many be guilty until proven innocent?

Signed:

Yours,

Abosede Ijabadeniyi 

Satire works best when the satarist has the courage not just to go for the joke 

~ Gladwell Malcolm